Continuing this five part series, I’d like to focus on two ways one might create better, more meaningful relationships.
Stop in the Name of . . .
If you saw a sign that said “Danger, Bridge Out” would you ignore the sign and drive into the water? I hope not. But you may be ignoring warning signs in your relationships.
Let me explain. Have you seen signs of potential problems in your current relationship? And have you stopped to consciously recognize them? Very often people I coach confess that they had major indications that their spouse was really not suitable for them, and yet they stayed in the relationship anyway.
Many women I’ve counseled went ahead and had children even after they “knew” they shouldn’t stay married. That’s almost inexplicable, isn’t it? Why would someone entrench themselves more deeply into a troubled relationship? Isn’t it better to be alone (and available for a healthy relationship) than to remain in a bad one? I’m not saying that children are not a blessing, of course, but wouldn’t the entire package be an even bigger blessing?
You deserve better than you may have settled for, and the sooner you own that and stop accepting less, the sooner you’ll enjoy more. People are good at making excuses as to why they stay in bad relationships. A big one is that they stay for the children. But don’t you think the children can tell you’re unhappy? Would you like to see your own parents fighting and upset all the time? So why would you want your children to see that? And most importantly, your example is teaching your children that an unhealthy relationship is acceptable. Is that the correct lesson to teach?
Don’t make excuses, make progress.
“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.” ~George Washington
I am not saying you should up and leave your present relationship without giving 100% effort to make it work (as I’ve stated here.) What I am saying is this: if you’re being abused or treated with disrespect, or if you’ve already taken full responsibility to make it work and it is still not the relationship you want, then you seriously need to consider your options.
Most people are initially attracted to someone because of the other person’s looks. But while attraction is important, can you realistically base an entire relationship on it? No. To sustain a relationship over time you need someone with “good looking guts,” so to speak. The outer shell fades, a beautiful heart does not. No matter how “hot” someone is, as time passes you can become used to their looks and they may not strike you as attractive. And if they lack inner beauty they can turn ugly very quickly.
The fact is, people often see what they want to see in people. How else could a person say in the first week, “I can marry him or her?” They’re not seeing the real person at that stage. They’re only seeing what they project or would like to believe about them. Sure, you can get excited about and see potential in someone at first sight, but after that you’ve got to invest the time to get to know them, while developing friendship, communication and trust along the way. To declare “this is the one” too soon will actually stack the odds against you, because you will be blind to the warning signs. And let’s be honest, how many people can be “the one” anyway? Only one, right?
“We easily forgive in our friends those faults we do not perceive.”
~François de la Rochefoucauld
So after acknowledging that initial “wow factor” you need to refer back to your core values list and only open up to a person who comes as close to the entire package as possible. Or you can test the waters by taking some time to see how it goes, and see how it grows. Mr. or Mrs. Right may be just around the corner.
Join me next week for the final part of this series.
Rock Star Success Coach & Sales Trainer