This is where our five week cruise comes to an end. A few final thoughts on how to create the relationship you want.
Too often we expect our partner to magically fill every need and want that we have. But that’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, and it’s basically impossible to fulfill. Think about it, your significant other was not there to meet all of your needs before you met them. Why should you expect them to do so now? Instead of looking for someone to “complete you” or become the center of your world you should seek someone to enhance your life even further, and add value to it.
If your partner dislikes the opera, then go with a friend. And if you dislike monster truck racing, then encourage your spouse to go with a neighbor. You should always have other friends that you can talk to or spend time with. Many people have family nearby they can rely on too. And even a simple hobby can bring you joy. You do not have to share every single thing with one another.
The point I’m emphasizing here is this: don’t ever lose yourself in a relationship, because if for some reason that relationship ends, then you’ll really be lost. Focus instead on finding or creating an interdependent relationship, never a co-dependent one.
This one is simple. What are your flat out deal breakers? You know, the things you just cannot tolerate in a relationship; the habits, mannerisms or behaviors that will either drive you crazy or make you sick? They may be personality traits, religious beliefs, or bad habits. But once you detect a deal breaker, don’t go any further; and don’t try and convince yourself it will work out. It’s that simple.
If you notice someone lying to others, for example, you can be pretty sure they’ll eventually lie to you also. If they’re disrespectful to other people don’t think that you will be the special one in their lives whom they will suddenly respect.
Can people change? Absolutely! Will they change for you? Maybe. But they should really change for themselves, not for you. Asking or expecting them to change after you’re already involved isn’t fair if you knew beforehand. Instead, move on to someone better suited for you, someone you won’t have to change or accept it, if you can.
Also, anyone can say they will change their ways, and even mean it. But if they don’t change, then what do you do? You’re stuck (if you choose to be). It’s easier to avoid getting involved to begin with and keep on searching for the right person than to go through a series of wrong ones.
So do not accept a deal breaker into your life. They will only become a time waster and then a heart breaker.
You can have a great relationship. Maybe not the fantasy fling you see on film and on television (which is a misleading example of perfection), but it is possible to find a partner to enjoy and gain value from. It will take effort and commitment to make it work, but a healthy relationship will be a whole lot easier when you:
▪ Prepare yourself to be of value to someone and know what you can and will give in exchange for a great relationship.
▪ Define what it is that you want in your dream man or woman.
▪ Decide on the type of relationship you desire.
▪ Keep in mind that there is no “I” in TEAM, but there certainly is a MATE!
Lastly, you should remember that there will always be ups and downs. But what of it? It may not be a perfect ride, but you can ride through it perfectly if you choose to. And it will be worth it!
“If you expect life to be easy, challenges will seem difficult. If you accept that challenges may occur, life will be easier.” ~Rob Liano
Rock Star Success Coach & Sales Trainer