Have you ever played the blame game? You know, blaming others for everything that goes wrong in your life?
People often look to blame others for some or all of the things that don’t go their way. As if they have no responsibility or control over things whatsoever. Sometimes there are circumstances beyond our control, this is true, but if we honestly assess our lives we will find that at least part of the responsibility is ours.
Why do we blame others? Look at it this way. If you do not like where you are in your life, do you want it to be your fault? That could be pretty depressing so naturally someone would rather deflect blame onto other people, circumstances, bad breaks and things like that. Does that make the situation better? Does it allow you to grow from that point forward? No, by doing so you remain stuck, as if you have no other choice.
In a nutshell, who’s responsible for your life? Once you’re an adult your parents aren’t, neither is your spouse, although they have some responsibility. It’s also not your boss; and it’s certainly not your children, unless of course you’re elderly and ill. So who’s left? You are. Embrace the power you have to create a better life.
When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
~Dr. Robert Anthony
They’re out to get you!
You might hear someone say (after the fact) “so and so told me to do this“even though they personally failed; yet they will blame that other person for their advice. Here’s the reality check, you took the advice and you chose to do it. Now, you wouldn’t do something if you weren’t okay with it, would you? Maybe their advice was confirmation of something you already wanted to do. Or you allowed them to influence you, but you chose to do it. If you act on something, you own the outcome, not them.
Another way of looking at it is this: Do you think that person wanted you to fail or be unhappy or get hurt? Blaming them is basically saying that you think they wished failure upon you. If you asked someone who you know cares about you, then we can assume their intent was for you to succeed. So why would that change if the outcome wasn’t exactly what you wanted? Usually because you feel the need to blame someone else so that you are released of any possible connection to the failure. That’s a cop out.
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.
Let’s say someone recommended a movie to you that they liked. If you don’t enjoy it is that their fault? Of course not. Their intent was good, the outcome was not. Blaming them for this does nothing. The best you can do is view it as a learning experience and disregard their movie reviews. Give them two thumbs down. You always have the ability to ignore their opinions or advice in the future.
Take this job and . . .
When people are unhappy at their job, they often blame their boss. Do you think your boss wants you unhappy or unsuccessful? Do you think your boss wants you to hate your job? And if you have a boss who’s a belittling tyrant, well, why do you stay?
I know, you need the money. So that leaves you with two choices. Either decide to make it work and love your job again (like when you first started) or bail out. If you want to bail out, I wouldn’t recommend that you tell your boss he or she is a jerk and storm out today. Instead, start planning your exit strategy.
Start doing something else, anything else to position yourself to escape. Send out resumes, start a home business, go to school at night to further your education and increase your value for other employment options. Don’t talk, act. Because it is your responsibility to create change. If you aren’t proactive in moving on, and you prefer to complain and remain; then who’s to blame for your unhappiness?
Don’t find fault. Find a remedy. ~Henry Ford
Do you think that if you really tried — if you exhausted every effort — that you can’t find something else to do? Let’s say that you made a bit less money, but absolutely loved it, wouldn’t it be worth it? What would you rather have, less money and less stress or more money and sustained misery?
Quality of life is priceless, therefore money is simply not worth abjecting yourself for it. But here’s the surprise, doing something you love can ultimately bring you even more money because you’d be so much better at it. You wouldn’t be going through the motions like a robot, instead you’d be excelling and excelling leads to growth, increased income, promotions and other rewards for effort.
Dark Knight Rises
Stand up and take responsibility for your life, right now. Come out of the dark and into the light. You want to be happy, we all do. Yet blaming others really means that you aren’t happy about an outcome. And blaming them will not make you any happier will it?
If you keep getting the same (bad) results day after day or year after year, how do you expect to change if you don’t change something that you’re doing?
You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming them, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.
You have the ability to react differently and embrace accountability. It’s very empowering when you realize that you have the control to change things in your life. You are not at the mercy of others. You have the power to choose, and that tells us that you can make better choices. Depending on your motive, the outcome could be drastically different depending upon the choices you make.
No matter how much you try to deflect blame, you are responsible for where you are in your life right now. You are responsible for your success and your failure. It cannot be any other way.
If you blame others for your failures, do you credit them with your success?
Rock Star Life Coach & Sales Trainer