Let your yes be yes and your no, no. Anything beyond these is of evil.
Often we find ourselves committing to things that we don’t really want to do. Sometimes we end up regretting it. We hear this nagging voice inside of us saying “why did I agree to this?”
When this happens it leaves us with two possible options. We either reluctantly do what we committed to; or, that voice nags us to the point where we finally break down and admit that we can’t (or don’t want to) do it.
Well, why do we agree in the first place? Maybe we acted impulsively, didn’t think it through thoroughly or maybe we thought we could fit in our schedule. But usually it’s because we do not want to let someone else down. Why not let our yes be yes and our no be no? And, is anything beyond this really evil? Surprisingly, yes, it can be.
More than a feeling
Let’s focus on what happens when you ignore your gut instinct and say yes to something that you really don’t want to do, either because you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, or let them down. While it may seem noble to protect others from the truth, when you bail out on them at the last minute aren’t you disappointing them, letting them down, or hurting them anyway?
Even if you suck it up and follow through, wouldn’t they notice that you’re less than thrilled to be doing so? Not only that, but it potentially makes it worse than if you had simply said no to begin with.
If you had declined right away they could have found someone else to go, do, be or see with them. Instead they are stuck at the last minute which is truly disappointing. Although you didn’t do it intentionally, that can hurt someone you care about.
Coincidentally one of the synonyms for evil is hurtful.
A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
I have often been that person who overcommitted. Then one day it dawned on me, a person can only do so much for so many people. We must pick and choose wisely. I’m not encouraging you to become a self absorbed person, instead try to create balance in your decisions, think about how it affects you. And others and of course practice total honesty with everyone.
Open your eyes
On the flip side, do you often say no to trying new things? In the 2008 movie ‘Yes Man’ Jim Carrey’s character totally transforms his life (mostly in a good way) by saying yes to everything. While this is the extreme and unbalanced end, it was obvious that he had regrets stemming from always saying no. Saying no caused him to miss out on many fun opportunities and potentially precious memories.
Try things, because as the saying goes, you never know until you try. There’s a world of experiences out there. Why not be open to new things? I always find it amusing when I ask someone if they like sushi and they say no, only to reveal that they have never even tried it. I wonder how they would review a movie that they never saw.
It’s true that not everything is meant to be. But always remember that everything is at least worth a try.
Buy or die
Most of you who follow my writing know that I come from a sales training background and this idea is equally as important when you’re a shopper. I have overheard clients who feel so much pressure from a salesperson that they will say yes and buy something, just to get off of the phone without saying no; only to call back asking the manager (me) to cancel their purchase.
Yes this is partly due to what I’ll call an overeager salesperson. But it’s still the choice of the buyer to give in, give a form of payment and possibly other personal information rather than say no, or hang up the phone.
Why are we so afraid to just say no? Or in some cases yes? It’s often as if we do the opposite of what we truly want, which may be a connection to why we don’t all achieve our goals, have the best relationships and ultimately have the life we desire.
Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. ~Hardy D. Jackson
If nothing else, say yes to yourself and your abilities.
Yes, you can write that book. Yes, you can get fit. Yes, you can clean the garage. Can you solve that problem? Yes! Can you change your life? Yes! Since saying yes tells you that you can, plan, act, persevere to see it through to its successful completion!
These examples are only a handful of things to illustrate how you can create positive changes your life by making your yes be a real yes. Whatever it is that you truly desire and you have control of, go for it. Tap into the power of yes!
A desire to be in charge of our own lives, a need for control, is born in each of us. It is essential to our mental health, and our success, that we take control.
~Robert F. Bennett
Now, about that sushi . . .
Rock Star Life Coach & Sales Trainer