Have you ever been in a relationship that was a total disaster? I don’t mean as tragic as the Titanic, but one falling short of your dream come true?
Are you still in that relationship right now?
Many people have relationship questions and would like to gain insight and understanding into how they can have better relationships, or make their current relationship better.
Face the Strain (Changes)
No doubt you’ve heard that “change comes from within.” Well, that applies to relationships too. First, you must realize that you cannot change anyone. You can be encouraging, empathetic and make suggestions, you can even yell and throw things. But you may have noticed that nothing changes the other person, even when it seems you’ve exhausted all possibilities and said in exasperation, “I’ve tried everything!”
Your efforts may have failed because the other person has a responsibility in changing themselves, and if they don’t accept that responsibility, they won’t change. So you cannot change them no matter how badly you want to, or try to. It will be like banging your head against the wall. But you have a responsibility as well. Though most people try to point out where the other person has to improve, they don’t always consider how they can improve. If you improve, it’s possible that your relationship can improve.
“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.” ~Wayne Dyer
Great Fate Expectations
Have you ever told your significant other exactly what you expect from them in your relationship? If not, then how can they ever fulfill your expectations? Most people never discuss this at the beginning stages because they’re caught up in the “honeymoon phase” and they accept or overlook any flaws, or they’re putting forth their best and not revealing any flaws. Since both parties are making an effort and compromising to make the relationship work, then surprise! It works. You go out of your way to talk, text and spend time together. You might even do things you don’t enjoy just to please them.
But once normal life kicks in you need to learn each other’s needs, wants and expectations so that the relationship can continue to succeed. You must express those things early on, not wait until it gets to the point where you bubble over like a pot of hot water and angrily tell someone what you need. When discussed beforehand you can find out if the other person’s expectations are doable for you and then either agree, or compromise. No surprises!
Could you imagine if you started a new job and they didn’t tell what your objectives were? You wouldn’t be able to do that job very well, would you? No, because you’d be clueless as to how to do anything right. So discuss a plan of action, roles and responsibilities in your relationship, because if you don’t, it will fail.
“We create our fate every day we live” ~Henry Miller
Break it Down!
If you choose to stay in a bad or unhealthy relationship you might like to figure out why that is.
1) Is there actually hope, or are you kidding yourself? If there is hope, then try doing what you can to make improvements and see what happens over time.
2) Are you afraid it will feel as if you failed if you end the relationship? You probably invested a lot into it but remember, sometimes a business has to close its doors so that the owner and its employees can move on to their own long, prosperous career. This thinking can apply to an irreparable relationship too. Sometimes it has to end for a new beginning to blossom. And don’t be concerned about what other people think, the ones closest to you that truly care about you will support you, they want you to be happy, so should you.
3) Are you afraid that there’s no one good out there? If that’s the case, then have a little more confidence. In fact, I often hear people say “I wish I could meet someone like so and so” or “my friend has a great guy/girl.” So yes, they’re out there. But if you remain in a bad relationship, you’re not emotionally free or ready for a new, potentially good one are you?
The Million Dollar Question
Is this the relationship that you want? And is the one you want even possible? I mean, is your vision of what a relationship “should be” realistic at all?
Relationships are much more involved than what I’ve covered here and I am by no means implying it’s all your responsibility or that you should give up without trying. But I’ve noticed that many people look at what the other person needs to do for them when they could first try to determine what they can do to renew the relationship, starting right now
Remember when you were excited about the relationship? What changed? Maybe you need to get excited again and put in a little more effort. This way you can create minor changes that lead to major outcomes. If you decided that the success of your relationship was 100% your responsibility and worked at it, maybe it would work. If it’s worth a try, give it your best shot.
“Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results.” ~James Allen
Rock Star Success Coach & Sales Trainer